Stressing!

So, it seems almost everything is going wrong :(  

I'm excited about our move to El Paso but I can't say that I haven't been revisiting my old habits of stress eating lately.  I am grateful for my lap-band though and the painful reminder of things I need to change.  I'm so scared of vomiting that although my brain is saying...keep going!!! I force my mouth to STOP! So I guess that's pretty good news on how it's working for me :)

I was VERY proud of myself today though as I not only got on my Gazelle for like 40 minutes this morning, but ALSO walked to the HEB (1.3 miles total according to my pedomoter) to go grab some roasted chicken for dinner.  It's funny how 30 pounds lighter can make such a difference on the same machine.  My feet don't hurt as much and my knees are feeling good.   I also cannot wait till I'm able to eat "regular" food again.  I'm tired of purees and soups and shakes.  Actually, I like my morning protein shake, but i don't want protein shakes all day :(

I had my first fill yesterday and was pretty sad.  I thought I didn't have any fluid in my band because i've been getting pretty hungry lately and then the dr. told me i already had 3 cc's from the surgery date.  He was surprised...I was even more surprised.  I had also only lost 2 pounds since my last dr's visit.  I felt so ashamed that even with 3 cc's i was starting to feel hungry again only 1 month post surgery.  He went ahead and added 1 cc for a total of 4 cc's, but he reminded me that my band only holds 10cc's and that I need to be conscious of following all the rules, exercising, etc.  I guess it proves the point that a lot of it is just mental.  I was really sad though because I don't want this whole experience to have been for nothing.  I WANT to be successful and it's becoming more clear that it's all on me and how much I push myself. 

My dr. is awesome though...I would recommend him to anyone in the area (Dr. Sankarlingam).  If I can't find a dr. in el paso to do my fills, i wouldn't mind making a weekend visit to the area to see my original doc.  And for those of you who are wondering what a fill is, that's when the dr. fills up your band with saline.  That's what causes more or less restriction depending on if you're filling or unfilling, respectively.  I was pretty scared, since I didn't know what to expect.  Looking back it was pretty silly how nervous I was.  My Dr. did the fill, and he just put a thin needle in my stomach (didn't hurt, just a poke) and then he looked around for the port.  It actually kinda tickled and he thought it was funny I said so.  

Unfortunately, I have had a pretty stressful month with my future at work and the big move.  Hopefully things will change for the better really soon, but if they don't i'm going to change them!  I didn't have many options with no support to help with transportation or Krista where i'm at, but that won't be the case in El Paso.  So, I won't have any excuse not to get what I know I deserve for myself.  That includes: daily exercise, peace, a challenging career, a newfound social life.  I'll be so much happier even if my "new" social life only consists of new fitness friends, an occasional coffee (decaf please lol), and a late night movie with old friends (I'm talking to you Yvonne, Alma (<cuz) and Naomes!)  With an inconsistent schedule, no car, and noone locally to hang out with, it's been tough and I have been pretty lonely.  Sorry Rick I love you honey but a girl needs her girlfriends too!  I can't say I won't enjoy being back at home with the family.  I miss my old friends and family so much and, after being on the phone for work, the last thing I do is dial them to find out what's going on. 

Well, I need to remember to blog when i'm stressing.  Blogging is therapeutic baby! Feel better already!  Now just to get myself prepared for another 5 days of work and 5 half days of continued packing :(

Oooh I almost forgot to mention that I tried one of the vitamin samples that I got from the dr's office and OMG it was soooo good.  If anyone out there has had bariatric surgery, I would highly recommend you visit the website: http://www.celebratevitamins.com/ and try them out.  I'm going to order a full supply once I get to El Paso, can't wait!  It's like a little taste of heaven that's good for you! 

For those who think I took the "Easy" way out...

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” -Theodore Roosevelt

I wanted to blog about this topic since my first posting.  In the last few months I've heard numerous lines that have turned my blood red: "Why don't you just watch what you eat and start exercising?", "I don't know how you could have the surgery when you love food so much", "Surgery is for people who don't have willpower.  It's an easy way out." 

GGRRRR...WHAT??? 

Let me start by stressing that lap-band surgery is not a quick-fix as most may assume it to be.  You CAN fall short of your goals and sometimes even gain weight if you don't adhere to the guidelines provided by your physician.  So far, it's been fairly easy to stay on course, but I do not know what the future holds and can only say that I am determined to succeed with this surgery.  But, knowing my past weaknesses with food, it IS scary knowing that the possibility of failure exists.  On the other hand, I am my own best critic and hate failing at anything and that's my driving force right now.  I am focusing on today and the fact that today, I did it! :) 

For information on the procedure and other lap-band links: http://www.lapband.com/en/learn_about_lapband/the_procedure_safety/  

From the date of my first consult, my physician, Dr. Sankaralingam in Killeen Tx (WONDERFUL Dr. by the way), stressed that lap-band surgery is to be used as a TOOL for weight-loss.  The morning following my surgery, he said to me: "Ok!  I've held up my part, you're still alive...now it's YOUR turn." 

Now, allow me to share a few somethings I've learned about the willpower that is required to be successful with this procedure (Most taken from the packet my dietitian provided me): 

1. Many surgeons prescribe a pre-op diet (see my other blogs for details) that lasts 2 weeks pre-surgery.  The point of the diet is to shrink your liver.  If you don't shrink your liver, your surgeon may require an open procedure (instead of laparascopic).  The pre-op diet is also used as a tool to break yourself from the high sugar, high carb diet that you're probably already used to if you're doing this surgery to begin with.  It helps kick the bad habits.   

2. Post-op diet restrictions aren't what you would consider fun either: 

• Immediately following surgery: only ice chips are allowed for the first day, then a clear liquid diet for the next 2 days (broths, sugar free gelatin, apple juice, tea, crystal light, sugar free popsicles) 
• Liquids must be see through 
• You should choose the sugar-free versions (juices should have no added sugar) 
• No carbonation and caffeine beverages are limited to 8 oz per day 
• Weeks 1 & 2 post surgery you advance to full liquids (creamed soups, yogurt, milk, applesauce, cream of wheat, grits and protein shakes) 
• Anything through a straw is a good rule of thumb at this stage, but you're not actually allowed to use a straw, as it can cause you to swallow air. 
• During this time, you must attempt to attain your daily protein goal as provided by your dietitian (mine is 85g/day).  Flavored/unflavored protein powders can be added to soups and drinks to help achieve the daily goal. 
• Don't overdo it on high carb or low-protein items.  
• Weeks 3 & 4 post surgery you advance to pureed/blended foods (think mashed potato consistency).  This stage is to allow a gradual progression from liquids to solid foods.  It's usually easier to attain protein goals at this stage.  
• At this stage, you start separating your foods into actual 'meals' (1/4 cup to 1/2 cup each meal)
• Examples include: baby food, puddings, scrambled eggs, pureed meats and fruits/vegetables.  Again, it must all be pureed or blended (still no solids)
• A food processor is recommended for this stage (I already bought my cuisinart, yay!) 
• Weeks 5, 6 and 7 post surgery: Soft foods.  This stage introduces you to solids for the first time since surgery.  That's right!  I am not supposed to have any solids until my 5th week post surgery! 
• Examples include: fish, cheese, deli meat, tuna, cottage cheese, canned fruits, well-cooked vegetables, crackers, toast.  
• Always eat the protein first, which should consist of 1/4 cup to 1/3 cup. 
• You MUST chew well and eat slowly. 
• If it's comfortable to eat more, choose a fruit and/or vegetable (2-4 tbsp) 
• If still comfortable for more, choose a dry starch (less than the size of a golf ball) 
• It should take about 20-30minutes per meal.  This not only ensures you are chewing well, but also that your body has time to determine whether it's filling up or not.  
• Continue 3 high protein meals per day, 64 oz of fluid between.  
• Week 8 is the 'Modified Regular stage'.  This stage is more 'normal' foods.  Tolerances can vary.  
• Portion sizes are recommended as follows: 
• Protein: 1/4 cup to 1/3 cup.  Foods allowed include: Fish, cheese, tofu, lean ham, lean ground beef, poultry, eggs, thin deli meats, cottage cheese, tuna, veal/lamb, shellfish, steak, pork chops. 
• Fruits: 
• Baseball sized fruits (peaches, pears, plums, apples): 1/2 of the fruit 
• Fruits like bananas, mangos, papayas and grapefruits: 1/4 of the fruit 
• Watermelons, cantaloupes, honedew, strawberries: 1/2 cup 
• Canned fruit that is drained: 1/4 cup 
• Vegetables: 
• Cooked veggies: 1/4 cup
• Raw veggies: 1/2 cup 
• No corn or celery is allowed 
• Allowed starches: 
• Potato: 1/4 of the potato 
• Whole wheat crackers: 3 
• Well-toasted breads: 1/2 slice 
• Fats: 
• Use sparingly.  Allowed fats include: olive or canola oils, butters, margarines, mayonnaise, avocado, olives.  
• Foods to avoid (even after 8 weeks): 
• The following foods may block the outlet from the pouch and should be avoided entirely: Corn, celery, untoasted bread, coconut, popcorn, gum, asparagus 
• The following foods will prevent you from having weight loss or cause weight gain: Fatty or fried foods, bacon, sausage, chips, french fries, Onion rings, fast foods, carbonated beverages, Alcohol, Milkshakes, smoothies, gourmet coffee drinks, juices/sodas, candy, ice cream, other desserts, excess starches (biscuit, pasta, rice, rolls, breads) 

3. I am only allowed to eat 3 small meals per day spaced out about 4-6 hours between each meal. No snacking. I'm also not allowed to drink anything less than 30 min before a meal, during a meal, and at least 1 hour after a meal.  

4. No carbonated drinks.  Non-caloric or <10 calories per serving fluids ONLY, of which I should consume 64 oz per day by SIPPING...not gulping!  Keep in mind again, the 64 oz must be consumed between meals.  Yikes!  

5. It is recommended that you quit alcohol.  I'm not a big alcohol drinker anymore anyway, so this one was an easy quit for me. :)   I would NOT have been able to say the same just 5 years ago. :\

6.  It is recommended that you also quit drinking caffeine.  I've switched to decaf coffee but I do miss my regular!!! 

7. It is recommended that you quit smoking.  I won't lie, I had a cigarette and a few drinks on the same night of my last meal, two weeks before surgery.  I wanted to get the urge out of the way and quite honestly, I was reminded why I don't smoke or drink anymore anyway lol.  

8. Daily EXERCISE.  At least 30 minutes daily, more as you get healthier and are able to do more, including strength training.  

9. You must assess your emotional relationship with food and how food cravings are triggered.  I did this one before the surgery and, so far, it has helped me stay on track.  I am an emotional eater and when I'm stressing, I like to reach for my comfort foods.  For me, one helpful tip for me was swapping the food with water.  When I start getting stressed, I take some sips of water instead of making myself a grilled cheese sandwich. My family and friends KNOW just how much I LOVE those grilled cheese sandwiches...i will miss them dearly.  I'm also a "bored" eater.  So, instead of reaching for some foods when there's nothing to do, I try to clean something.  This one has helped my house look nicer hee hee.   

10. Daily multivitamin with Iron and daily calcium with Vitamin D.  

11. Adjustments or "fills" every 4-6 weeks during the first year.  

• These are in-office procedures that give you and your doctor more control over ensuring healthy weight loss.  It's done by inserting a fine needle into the access port under the skin of the abdomen.  
• If the band is too tight, you may experience the following: Poor food choices, regurgitation, discomfort while eating, poor weight loss, night cough
• If the band is too loose, you may experience the following: Hungry between meals, eating large portions, not losing weight 
• If the right amount of fluid is in the band (also known as the "green zone" or "sweet spot" by lap-banders), you experience the following: Not hungry between meals, good weight loss, portion control, patient satisfaction 

Some of the "side effects" of the surgery include: 

1. Regurgitation (vomiting) of food or liquids when eating/drinking too fast or too much.  

2.  Complications with the band (see the lap-band website for details) 

3. People treating you differently.  They may show more respect.  As good as that feels, it may also be upsetting recalling how people treated you when you were overweight.  

I hope the information provided has allowed those who think this is an easy way out realize that it's not easy at all.  If I want to be successful, it will be up to me to follow the guidelines for success.  

In the end though, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about the surgery.  I chose this, I had the surgery, and this is my life and the life of my family's that will be affected with the results.  I hope that everyone will remain supportive throughout my journey, but whoever chooses not to doesn't deserve to have wonderful me in their life.  So far, I've been extremely lucky to have friends and family show their love and support. :) 

Sample day: Pre-op Lap-band Diet

Below is the sample diet that my nutritionist gave me at my eval.  My daily goal is to intake 85g of protein DAILY geeeeeez

Reminder that some people don't even get put on pre-op diets and i've read others get put on low-carb low-fat but not all liquid till a few days before the surgery...i dunno why?

Breakfast
8 ounces orange juice
1 container Yoplait light yogurt, 5 grams protein
1 lean body RTD (Ready to drink), 25g protein
*In the morning is when I drink the ready-made protein shakes (Atkins Advantage or Advant-edge)

Snack: 1 no sugar added fudgsicle.  (MY FAVORITE)

Drink 16 oz of calorie free and carbonation free and caffeine-free beverage in between the meals.

Lunch
1 scoop (1/2 serving) muscle milk light powder (in 8 oz of water), 12.5g protein
1/2 cup 2% cottage cheese, 15g protein
1/2 cup regular jello
1 cup broth

Snack:
1 cup plain chicken broth
8 oz apple juice

Drink 16 oz of calorie free and carbonation free and caffeine-free beverage in between these meals.

Dinner 
1 scoop (1/2 serving) muscle milk light powder, 12.5g protein w/
1 cup skim milk (8 oz), 8g protein
1 no sugar added fudgsicle
1 cup plain beef broth

Drink 16 oz of calorie free and carbonation free and caffeine-free beverage in between these meals.

Total protein: 78g*
Total oz: 80 oz

*minimal protein is found in some other items used above but these were not included in total protein count.

My two week pre-op diet (guidelines)

Alright friends, here are the guidelines that I've had to follow so far...if you were limited to these items daily, you'd be counting the days down to surgery too!  At first, the diet was easy and I was super motivated.  On the 4th or 5th day I started getting that craving for fast food (especially with payday right around the corner).  My family has been very supportive and I'm lucky.  So far I've done well but I won't lie...I've been dying for some McDonalds or Pizza or SOMETHING!!! But I keep reminding myself (and friends keep reminding me; thanks all) that this is a small sacrifice for the results that I'm going to see in the long-run.  The funny thing is that I ate a lot less before this diet than what I eat now.  The only difference is WHAT i'm eating.  Hee hee 

That is one of my main problems with my food addiction, of course.  I am the type of girl that wants the immediate satisfaction and the immediate results and, you get the drill.  So...it's definitely something I will need to keep working on...focusing on the long-term results, long-term satisfaction.  These little tips could sure help me with my finances too! LOL 

I'm sure that if you wanted to lose a little weight, you could pull a few of the below guidelines to replace some not so healthy foods that you currently enjoy ;) 

The nutritional guidelines are as follows: 

1. Juice, Gatorade, or powerade: Limit to 2 eight ounce cups or less each day. 

* I've been drinking one cup of apple juice and I opted for the Powerade Zero option, since they allow you to drink unlimited powerade ZERO 

2. Regular jello, fruit flavored regular popsicles, or no sugar added fudgsicles: 3 or less servings each day 

* That's right, FUDGSICLES!  It's one of a few things that has got me through this diet so far!  I bought them at Wal-mart for like 3.38/box 

*I also opted for sugar-free popsicles (same price as the fudgsicles) because you can have as many of those as you want AND did you know they were only 15 calories a popsicle?? Crazy!   Sometimes, the crunchiness of the popsicle helps take away the urge to eat something too.  

3. Milk (skim, 1%, Lactaid, or 2%; 8 ources or 1 cup= 1 serving)  Light Yogurt (Dannon Light, Yoplait Light, Activia Light, each 6-8 oz container is 1 serving) Cottage Cheese (1/2 cup =1 serving): 3  or less from this category each day. 

* I have one of each per day.  The milk I use for my protein shakes count as one serving.  

4. Low Carb Protein Shake:  2 servings a day allowed. (Look for these at GNC, Wal-Mart, or Drugstore.com).  DO NOT BUY: other versions of 'health shakes' i.e. Slim fast, Ensure, Boost, etc.  These are higher in carbohydrates, and not high enough in protein.  Generally each protein shake serving should provide >20g protein and <10g carbs, <3g Sugar.  

* I've bought all my protein products at Wal-mart and they've worked great.  I bought the $15 tub of whey protein that has 52g protein for every 2 scoops.  I only use one scoop for each shake (2 a day).  I also bought the ready made shakes for my breakfast drink.  I've tried AdvantEdge? and the Atkins Advantage shakes.  Both taste really good and have low sugar and low carbs, and they're cheaper than other brands with higher carbs and sugars.  

These liquids can be taken in any amount (pre & post-op) since they do not contain sugar: 

1. Sugar-free beverages such as Crystal Light, Wyler's Light, Sugar-free Kool-aid or Sugar-free Tang, diet Snapple, diet sodas <<<(not sure why they list this because it also says not to drink carbonated beverages..confusing---i haven't drank carbonated beverages at all), Powerade Zero, Propel, DECAF COFFEE or TEA with SUGAR SUBSTITUTE (like Splenda)<<<this is my favorite, I was NOT going to have surgery if I was not allowed to have my daily cup of coffee each day. I know it sounds silly, but it was a requirement!  

2. Broth Soups (all varieties) 

3. Sugar-free fruit flavored popsicles and sugar-free jello.  

ATTENTION DIABETICS: For those with diabetes they recommend consuming 15 grams of carbs every 1-2 hours.  Try to continue protein source (milk, yogurt, cottage cheese, or shake) each time you drink carbs.  Be sure to monitor your blood sugars and contact your doctor if necessary.  If your blood sugar is >150mg, spread out these sugar sweetened liquids over a 3 hour period.  

Liquids with 15g of carbs:

-3/4 cup carbonated beverage with soda 

-1/2 cup orange, apple, or grapefruite juice 

-1 popsicle 

-1 cup milk

-6 oz light yogurt (Dannon Light, Yoplait Light or Colombo Light)

-1/2 cup cottage cheese 

-1/3 cup regular jello 

-1/2 cup Kool Aid 

-1 tbsp. honey or sugar (can be used to sweeten a beverage)  

See my next post for a sample day of the pre-op diet 

The first day of my new life

I'm so excited for what the future will hold... 
Soon, we'll be moving back to our hometown of El Paso and I couldn't have chosen a better time for a fresh start.  Today I began my first day of my prescribed pre-op diet.  I'm scheduled for surgery Monday, March 28th. 
Two weeks from today I could be dead. 
The reality of the situation is that I've chosen to take action now to avoid dying at a young age later anyway.  My weight issues began a long time ago, so long I can't remember when I could call myself thin.  It wasn't really a problem for me though.  I have always been very confident, regardless of my size.  Unfortunately, I may have gotten too confident and stopped thinking at one point of the risks involved.  My biggest wake-up call was a little over 4 years ago when I almost died.  I had to go into the hospital at 6 1/2 months pregnant after experiencing the worst pain of my life.  My head felt like it was going to explode!  That day, I was admitted to the hospital for Pre-eclampsia symptoms and later diagnosed with the HELLP syndrome. 

• H -- hemolysis (the breakdown of red blood cells)
• EL -- elevated liver enzymes
• LP -- low platelet count

  
  

  HELLP syndrome occurs in about 1 to 2 out of 1,000 pregnancies.  I've always been sooo lucky!  Actually, I was lucky that time.  I remember the Dr. walking in to the room and telling me that my baby probably wouldn't survive, and then he left the room.  Needless to say, his bedside manners were more than lacking.  My little princess must have heard him in the womb and responded bravely with a "Oh yeah?...watch me!"  One week later, after steroids, more meds, bedrest, my little one decided it was time.  That day was the best and worst day of my life.  My daughter came into this world at a whopping 1lb 14 oz.  She was sooo tiny.  I had seen pictures before of what preemies look like, but it's a completely different story when that preemie is yours and when you see that baby in person.  I wasn't even able to see her until later that morning, hours after my c-section.  I could go on for days about that experience and what my husband, myself and my daughter experienced.  I am amazed that God allowed me to have her in my life.  

  
  

  SHE is the main reason why I am scheduled for surgery in two weeks.  I can no longer stand not having the energy and not being active with her on a regular basis.  My joints are starting to suffer and I run out of breath just walking.  I can't go on like this.  

  
  

  So, I'm hoping that today will be the first day of my new life.  

  
  

  I got through today's liquid diet without cheating and without craving something that I know isn't good for me to eat.  I'm going to make this the standard for every day from now on.  It's the only way that I know I will succeed.  I'm going to choose healthy.  

  
  

  Right now, the biggest worry for me is the actual surgery.  I am SOOO scared that something bad will happen.  I am asking God to get me through the surgery and I will do my part after to make sure I stay healthy and live out the life that he wanted me to live.  I have wasted too much time eating my worries, my sadness, my life away!  

  I'm determined to change the way I look at food and my past dependency on it to make me feel better.  

  
  

  Not one more day am I willing to waste away.  
  

  
  

  God, please help me through this journey.  I'm closing my blog today with a link to a prayer for overcoming addiction.  PRAYER

  Please pray this prayer with me...