Stressing!

So, it seems almost everything is going wrong :(  

I'm excited about our move to El Paso but I can't say that I haven't been revisiting my old habits of stress eating lately.  I am grateful for my lap-band though and the painful reminder of things I need to change.  I'm so scared of vomiting that although my brain is saying...keep going!!! I force my mouth to STOP! So I guess that's pretty good news on how it's working for me :)

I was VERY proud of myself today though as I not only got on my Gazelle for like 40 minutes this morning, but ALSO walked to the HEB (1.3 miles total according to my pedomoter) to go grab some roasted chicken for dinner.  It's funny how 30 pounds lighter can make such a difference on the same machine.  My feet don't hurt as much and my knees are feeling good.   I also cannot wait till I'm able to eat "regular" food again.  I'm tired of purees and soups and shakes.  Actually, I like my morning protein shake, but i don't want protein shakes all day :(

I had my first fill yesterday and was pretty sad.  I thought I didn't have any fluid in my band because i've been getting pretty hungry lately and then the dr. told me i already had 3 cc's from the surgery date.  He was surprised...I was even more surprised.  I had also only lost 2 pounds since my last dr's visit.  I felt so ashamed that even with 3 cc's i was starting to feel hungry again only 1 month post surgery.  He went ahead and added 1 cc for a total of 4 cc's, but he reminded me that my band only holds 10cc's and that I need to be conscious of following all the rules, exercising, etc.  I guess it proves the point that a lot of it is just mental.  I was really sad though because I don't want this whole experience to have been for nothing.  I WANT to be successful and it's becoming more clear that it's all on me and how much I push myself. 

My dr. is awesome though...I would recommend him to anyone in the area (Dr. Sankarlingam).  If I can't find a dr. in el paso to do my fills, i wouldn't mind making a weekend visit to the area to see my original doc.  And for those of you who are wondering what a fill is, that's when the dr. fills up your band with saline.  That's what causes more or less restriction depending on if you're filling or unfilling, respectively.  I was pretty scared, since I didn't know what to expect.  Looking back it was pretty silly how nervous I was.  My Dr. did the fill, and he just put a thin needle in my stomach (didn't hurt, just a poke) and then he looked around for the port.  It actually kinda tickled and he thought it was funny I said so.  

Unfortunately, I have had a pretty stressful month with my future at work and the big move.  Hopefully things will change for the better really soon, but if they don't i'm going to change them!  I didn't have many options with no support to help with transportation or Krista where i'm at, but that won't be the case in El Paso.  So, I won't have any excuse not to get what I know I deserve for myself.  That includes: daily exercise, peace, a challenging career, a newfound social life.  I'll be so much happier even if my "new" social life only consists of new fitness friends, an occasional coffee (decaf please lol), and a late night movie with old friends (I'm talking to you Yvonne, Alma (<cuz) and Naomes!)  With an inconsistent schedule, no car, and noone locally to hang out with, it's been tough and I have been pretty lonely.  Sorry Rick I love you honey but a girl needs her girlfriends too!  I can't say I won't enjoy being back at home with the family.  I miss my old friends and family so much and, after being on the phone for work, the last thing I do is dial them to find out what's going on. 

Well, I need to remember to blog when i'm stressing.  Blogging is therapeutic baby! Feel better already!  Now just to get myself prepared for another 5 days of work and 5 half days of continued packing :(

Oooh I almost forgot to mention that I tried one of the vitamin samples that I got from the dr's office and OMG it was soooo good.  If anyone out there has had bariatric surgery, I would highly recommend you visit the website: http://www.celebratevitamins.com/ and try them out.  I'm going to order a full supply once I get to El Paso, can't wait!  It's like a little taste of heaven that's good for you! 

For those who think I took the "Easy" way out...

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” -Theodore Roosevelt

I wanted to blog about this topic since my first posting.  In the last few months I've heard numerous lines that have turned my blood red: "Why don't you just watch what you eat and start exercising?", "I don't know how you could have the surgery when you love food so much", "Surgery is for people who don't have willpower.  It's an easy way out." 

GGRRRR...WHAT??? 

Let me start by stressing that lap-band surgery is not a quick-fix as most may assume it to be.  You CAN fall short of your goals and sometimes even gain weight if you don't adhere to the guidelines provided by your physician.  So far, it's been fairly easy to stay on course, but I do not know what the future holds and can only say that I am determined to succeed with this surgery.  But, knowing my past weaknesses with food, it IS scary knowing that the possibility of failure exists.  On the other hand, I am my own best critic and hate failing at anything and that's my driving force right now.  I am focusing on today and the fact that today, I did it! :) 

For information on the procedure and other lap-band links: http://www.lapband.com/en/learn_about_lapband/the_procedure_safety/  

From the date of my first consult, my physician, Dr. Sankaralingam in Killeen Tx (WONDERFUL Dr. by the way), stressed that lap-band surgery is to be used as a TOOL for weight-loss.  The morning following my surgery, he said to me: "Ok!  I've held up my part, you're still alive...now it's YOUR turn." 

Now, allow me to share a few somethings I've learned about the willpower that is required to be successful with this procedure (Most taken from the packet my dietitian provided me): 

1. Many surgeons prescribe a pre-op diet (see my other blogs for details) that lasts 2 weeks pre-surgery.  The point of the diet is to shrink your liver.  If you don't shrink your liver, your surgeon may require an open procedure (instead of laparascopic).  The pre-op diet is also used as a tool to break yourself from the high sugar, high carb diet that you're probably already used to if you're doing this surgery to begin with.  It helps kick the bad habits.   

2. Post-op diet restrictions aren't what you would consider fun either: 

• Immediately following surgery: only ice chips are allowed for the first day, then a clear liquid diet for the next 2 days (broths, sugar free gelatin, apple juice, tea, crystal light, sugar free popsicles) 
• Liquids must be see through 
• You should choose the sugar-free versions (juices should have no added sugar) 
• No carbonation and caffeine beverages are limited to 8 oz per day 
• Weeks 1 & 2 post surgery you advance to full liquids (creamed soups, yogurt, milk, applesauce, cream of wheat, grits and protein shakes) 
• Anything through a straw is a good rule of thumb at this stage, but you're not actually allowed to use a straw, as it can cause you to swallow air. 
• During this time, you must attempt to attain your daily protein goal as provided by your dietitian (mine is 85g/day).  Flavored/unflavored protein powders can be added to soups and drinks to help achieve the daily goal. 
• Don't overdo it on high carb or low-protein items.  
• Weeks 3 & 4 post surgery you advance to pureed/blended foods (think mashed potato consistency).  This stage is to allow a gradual progression from liquids to solid foods.  It's usually easier to attain protein goals at this stage.  
• At this stage, you start separating your foods into actual 'meals' (1/4 cup to 1/2 cup each meal)
• Examples include: baby food, puddings, scrambled eggs, pureed meats and fruits/vegetables.  Again, it must all be pureed or blended (still no solids)
• A food processor is recommended for this stage (I already bought my cuisinart, yay!) 
• Weeks 5, 6 and 7 post surgery: Soft foods.  This stage introduces you to solids for the first time since surgery.  That's right!  I am not supposed to have any solids until my 5th week post surgery! 
• Examples include: fish, cheese, deli meat, tuna, cottage cheese, canned fruits, well-cooked vegetables, crackers, toast.  
• Always eat the protein first, which should consist of 1/4 cup to 1/3 cup. 
• You MUST chew well and eat slowly. 
• If it's comfortable to eat more, choose a fruit and/or vegetable (2-4 tbsp) 
• If still comfortable for more, choose a dry starch (less than the size of a golf ball) 
• It should take about 20-30minutes per meal.  This not only ensures you are chewing well, but also that your body has time to determine whether it's filling up or not.  
• Continue 3 high protein meals per day, 64 oz of fluid between.  
• Week 8 is the 'Modified Regular stage'.  This stage is more 'normal' foods.  Tolerances can vary.  
• Portion sizes are recommended as follows: 
• Protein: 1/4 cup to 1/3 cup.  Foods allowed include: Fish, cheese, tofu, lean ham, lean ground beef, poultry, eggs, thin deli meats, cottage cheese, tuna, veal/lamb, shellfish, steak, pork chops. 
• Fruits: 
• Baseball sized fruits (peaches, pears, plums, apples): 1/2 of the fruit 
• Fruits like bananas, mangos, papayas and grapefruits: 1/4 of the fruit 
• Watermelons, cantaloupes, honedew, strawberries: 1/2 cup 
• Canned fruit that is drained: 1/4 cup 
• Vegetables: 
• Cooked veggies: 1/4 cup
• Raw veggies: 1/2 cup 
• No corn or celery is allowed 
• Allowed starches: 
• Potato: 1/4 of the potato 
• Whole wheat crackers: 3 
• Well-toasted breads: 1/2 slice 
• Fats: 
• Use sparingly.  Allowed fats include: olive or canola oils, butters, margarines, mayonnaise, avocado, olives.  
• Foods to avoid (even after 8 weeks): 
• The following foods may block the outlet from the pouch and should be avoided entirely: Corn, celery, untoasted bread, coconut, popcorn, gum, asparagus 
• The following foods will prevent you from having weight loss or cause weight gain: Fatty or fried foods, bacon, sausage, chips, french fries, Onion rings, fast foods, carbonated beverages, Alcohol, Milkshakes, smoothies, gourmet coffee drinks, juices/sodas, candy, ice cream, other desserts, excess starches (biscuit, pasta, rice, rolls, breads) 

3. I am only allowed to eat 3 small meals per day spaced out about 4-6 hours between each meal. No snacking. I'm also not allowed to drink anything less than 30 min before a meal, during a meal, and at least 1 hour after a meal.  

4. No carbonated drinks.  Non-caloric or <10 calories per serving fluids ONLY, of which I should consume 64 oz per day by SIPPING...not gulping!  Keep in mind again, the 64 oz must be consumed between meals.  Yikes!  

5. It is recommended that you quit alcohol.  I'm not a big alcohol drinker anymore anyway, so this one was an easy quit for me. :)   I would NOT have been able to say the same just 5 years ago. :\

6.  It is recommended that you also quit drinking caffeine.  I've switched to decaf coffee but I do miss my regular!!! 

7. It is recommended that you quit smoking.  I won't lie, I had a cigarette and a few drinks on the same night of my last meal, two weeks before surgery.  I wanted to get the urge out of the way and quite honestly, I was reminded why I don't smoke or drink anymore anyway lol.  

8. Daily EXERCISE.  At least 30 minutes daily, more as you get healthier and are able to do more, including strength training.  

9. You must assess your emotional relationship with food and how food cravings are triggered.  I did this one before the surgery and, so far, it has helped me stay on track.  I am an emotional eater and when I'm stressing, I like to reach for my comfort foods.  For me, one helpful tip for me was swapping the food with water.  When I start getting stressed, I take some sips of water instead of making myself a grilled cheese sandwich. My family and friends KNOW just how much I LOVE those grilled cheese sandwiches...i will miss them dearly.  I'm also a "bored" eater.  So, instead of reaching for some foods when there's nothing to do, I try to clean something.  This one has helped my house look nicer hee hee.   

10. Daily multivitamin with Iron and daily calcium with Vitamin D.  

11. Adjustments or "fills" every 4-6 weeks during the first year.  

• These are in-office procedures that give you and your doctor more control over ensuring healthy weight loss.  It's done by inserting a fine needle into the access port under the skin of the abdomen.  
• If the band is too tight, you may experience the following: Poor food choices, regurgitation, discomfort while eating, poor weight loss, night cough
• If the band is too loose, you may experience the following: Hungry between meals, eating large portions, not losing weight 
• If the right amount of fluid is in the band (also known as the "green zone" or "sweet spot" by lap-banders), you experience the following: Not hungry between meals, good weight loss, portion control, patient satisfaction 

Some of the "side effects" of the surgery include: 

1. Regurgitation (vomiting) of food or liquids when eating/drinking too fast or too much.  

2.  Complications with the band (see the lap-band website for details) 

3. People treating you differently.  They may show more respect.  As good as that feels, it may also be upsetting recalling how people treated you when you were overweight.  

I hope the information provided has allowed those who think this is an easy way out realize that it's not easy at all.  If I want to be successful, it will be up to me to follow the guidelines for success.  

In the end though, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about the surgery.  I chose this, I had the surgery, and this is my life and the life of my family's that will be affected with the results.  I hope that everyone will remain supportive throughout my journey, but whoever chooses not to doesn't deserve to have wonderful me in their life.  So far, I've been extremely lucky to have friends and family show their love and support. :)