The first day of my new life

I'm so excited for what the future will hold... 
Soon, we'll be moving back to our hometown of El Paso and I couldn't have chosen a better time for a fresh start.  Today I began my first day of my prescribed pre-op diet.  I'm scheduled for surgery Monday, March 28th. 
Two weeks from today I could be dead. 
The reality of the situation is that I've chosen to take action now to avoid dying at a young age later anyway.  My weight issues began a long time ago, so long I can't remember when I could call myself thin.  It wasn't really a problem for me though.  I have always been very confident, regardless of my size.  Unfortunately, I may have gotten too confident and stopped thinking at one point of the risks involved.  My biggest wake-up call was a little over 4 years ago when I almost died.  I had to go into the hospital at 6 1/2 months pregnant after experiencing the worst pain of my life.  My head felt like it was going to explode!  That day, I was admitted to the hospital for Pre-eclampsia symptoms and later diagnosed with the HELLP syndrome. 

• H -- hemolysis (the breakdown of red blood cells)
• EL -- elevated liver enzymes
• LP -- low platelet count

  
  

  HELLP syndrome occurs in about 1 to 2 out of 1,000 pregnancies.  I've always been sooo lucky!  Actually, I was lucky that time.  I remember the Dr. walking in to the room and telling me that my baby probably wouldn't survive, and then he left the room.  Needless to say, his bedside manners were more than lacking.  My little princess must have heard him in the womb and responded bravely with a "Oh yeah?...watch me!"  One week later, after steroids, more meds, bedrest, my little one decided it was time.  That day was the best and worst day of my life.  My daughter came into this world at a whopping 1lb 14 oz.  She was sooo tiny.  I had seen pictures before of what preemies look like, but it's a completely different story when that preemie is yours and when you see that baby in person.  I wasn't even able to see her until later that morning, hours after my c-section.  I could go on for days about that experience and what my husband, myself and my daughter experienced.  I am amazed that God allowed me to have her in my life.  

  
  

  SHE is the main reason why I am scheduled for surgery in two weeks.  I can no longer stand not having the energy and not being active with her on a regular basis.  My joints are starting to suffer and I run out of breath just walking.  I can't go on like this.  

  
  

  So, I'm hoping that today will be the first day of my new life.  

  
  

  I got through today's liquid diet without cheating and without craving something that I know isn't good for me to eat.  I'm going to make this the standard for every day from now on.  It's the only way that I know I will succeed.  I'm going to choose healthy.  

  
  

  Right now, the biggest worry for me is the actual surgery.  I am SOOO scared that something bad will happen.  I am asking God to get me through the surgery and I will do my part after to make sure I stay healthy and live out the life that he wanted me to live.  I have wasted too much time eating my worries, my sadness, my life away!  

  I'm determined to change the way I look at food and my past dependency on it to make me feel better.  

  
  

  Not one more day am I willing to waste away.  
  

  
  

  God, please help me through this journey.  I'm closing my blog today with a link to a prayer for overcoming addiction.  PRAYER

  Please pray this prayer with me...